In the really rather lovely confines of my over-active brain, this blog post is named: ‘the perils of winter, from the perspective of a woefully short individual with a marked distaste for fluff.’ But, in an effort to present myself as the well-adjusted, mature young woman that I certainly am not, I decided to rethink a little, a process that culminated in the title you have just (hopefully) read.
I hope you enjoyed it.
Anyway: to business.
It’s woolly coat season!
And if those words fill you with A) Fear, B) Loathing, or C) Fear and Loathing without a handy helping of Las Vegas to ease the burn (more’s the pity), then this post is for you.
Not just for you, but rest assured that you sit firmly inside the pool of my intended target audience.
You lucky thing.
My problem with woolly coats is a simple one: They just don’t fit.
Oh, sure, I’m small. But the problem isn’t that I can only find options that trail uselessly on the floor, collecting all kinds of rubbish and forcing me to strut back and forth like some particularly badly dressed extra from the latest historical drama. The problem is that I feel swamped inside them – and probably look it, too. I don’t wear the coat – the coat wears me, and it’s not exactly flattering.
In case that wasn’t enough, adding insult to grievous injury, the alternatives – think less fluffy, more buttons – seem to have been designed under the terribly problematic assumption that the individuals purchasing them are naturally located in far warmer climates despite the fact that they just happen to be buying a winter coat.
Ultimately, there are two main options for the brave individual sallying forth to purchase a winter coat:
I shouldn’t have to tell you that this isn’t exactly an ideal situation.
Happily, there are other options, and I’m here to give you the salient details.
I’m practically your fairy godmother, just without the wings, the wand, or the magic.
- First up: layers. Cardigans, fleeces, jumpers, jackets over shirts over t-shirts – the whole nine yards. Whether it’s for the sake of fashion or because you like being able to feel your toes, this is clearly a viable alternative to the huge winter coat. Extra layers will generate extra warmth, and this option has the added bonus of a practically guaranteed additional cuteness factor.
- Settle for a jacket instead. Abandon the dodgy woolly coat with masses of fake fur and dubiously positioned buttons for something smaller but equally durable. Barber has been trying to corner the market here for years, and if you’re looking for high quality with an absence of fuss, they’re the brand for you. Alternatively, if Barber jackets sound a little too much like ‘ridiculous expense,’ there are plenty of other options for individuals with a more realistic budget, so don’t panic if high street options are a little out of your price range. Trade secret: they’re a little out of mine, too.
- Scarves, hats, and…wait for it…gloves! This option works on the same principle as option A). Layer up with accessories, covering exposed skin to generate extra warmth. This option also allows for the fashionably inclined to go all out, as well as meeting the basic need for warmth in bad weather, and there are many cute options, should that prove to be a concern.
To wrap things up – do you see what I did there? – if you happen to be someone that doesn’t like woolly coats, don’t worry. You’re not alone. And there are other options that are both viable and sensible. It might take a little more work to accumulate what you need, and there will always be those tall, statuesque goddesses drifting around in oodles of fur, but you can look good too – and, trust me, you will.
Go forth, my friends, and conquer.
Do you have something to say about winter fashion? Drop me a line on Twitter and I’ll feature you in my next post and/or shower you with my eternal devotion.